I feel so cliche starting out a Blog saying things like "God has been doing some really amazing things in life lately..." but I don't know how else to start out blogs that are basically testimony after testimony of what Christ has done in your life. Mile markers...alters...stakes in the ground. But the thing is He has me on this journey that is so crazy and and transforming there'd nothing else to do but testify and no better way to explain it.
I think a huge mark God is leaving on my heart is about love. The Greatest Love. His Love. I am learning to be jealous of His love. In a good way that kind of jealousy that never lets you settle and constantly propels you toward great things. One of the huge obstacles from that love that I have become aware of myself as well as many in the Body encountering is unbelief. It seems weird. Like I can believe God as Creator. I can believe God as Healer. I can believe God as Good. But somehow when it comes to believing Gods love for me...hmm there's a disconnect there. Why? What is it in me that's blocking me from His love? I am desperate to know.
I think that a huge reason for me is that it seems SO impossible. Its so ridiculous...absurd....and well....honestly embarrassing really. Like the more I know who I am and who He is.....the more repulsive I become and the more attractive He is. Like I literally have no business being loved by Him the way I am. Its totally counter intuitive. But that's when I have to get over myself and really grasp this: Gods love has nothing to do with me and everything to with who He is. I guess for lack of a better term I am just an innocent bystander of Hid Grace. So I guess by that logic....since receiving His love has nothing to do with me I suppose the inverse is also true...escaping His love has nothing to do with me either. But when I check out His word I find out He never changes and He IS LOVE. He actually is incapable of being anything besides perfect love. Just like there's nothing I can do to change the fact that I'm short and blond (it doesn't matter how tall my heels are or what pcrazy shades I may dye my hair....I can do nothing to get away from my true self) God being the source of love is irreversible.
Okay so next I wonder what does that mean for me? Why do I have trouble believing Gods irrational and unstoppable love when it cannot be changed?! Here's the answer I have found in my heart: pride. Yes. Disgusting isn't it? One of the original sins. How? Simple. I find ways to try to get brownie points with Him and try to earn His love. How can everything else in my life come with so many strings attached and yet the single greatest need and cry of my heart is there for the taking? It makes no sense. But when you really know God you get that He plays by HIS rules. And the only rule His love has is that there's no rules.
I am so craving to come awake to His love more than ever in my life. I am done with the lies and path of pride the enemy has been doping me with to long. And lies I believe he is doping many believers with. You guys! Believe Gods love with me! He let His Son be butchered and tortured to death for us. I might be willing to be butchered to death for somebody but I am real sure you would have to pry my nieces and nephews from my dead, limp arms before I stood by and let them get touched. Do you know what that means? THE GOD OF THE UNIVERSE LOVES YOU AS MUCH AS HE LOVES HIS SON! You are loved. You are desired. You are missed when He goes any length of time without seeing you. You are delighted in. You are valued and treasured. We are His love. Humor me with another auntie comparison. When my Davis Braedon or Aubrey (and eventually Rory) run to me when I walk into a room you know what I do? I get super grouchy and tell them not to drool on me when they kiss me and shove them away. Yeah right! You better believe I pick those kiddos up and twirl them around laugh with and kiss them. I have never once had them run to me and been annoyed and just tolerated or ignored them. Even when I am in a hurry (and God never is) I still take time to kiss them. I delight in them. He delights in you. If you don't process anything else I say please let that sink in. He LOVES YOU. SO BIG. Maybe sometimes don't worry about telling Him you love Him. Just let Him love you. Cause He does. Hell itself couldn't stop Him. Seriously. He loves you. And that's just the way it is and there's nothing you can do about it. <3
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