Reality Check.

This month has been packed! Packing was done, movers came and went. They were quickly followed by some semblance of normalcy, visitors, and plans for last minute European hoorahs. And the general craziness of the move. In a few weeks, we'll be Stateside again! I've learned so much this year, and I want to take some time to reflect on that! I look back and continue to be amazed at all I've learned this year! I was telling one of my friends that in so many ways this entire year has just been a huge Reality Check. In so many ways and contexts. 

Here's what I mean!

• Reality Check: Contentment! It has been a huge theme God's walked me through, and continues to in this season! I am realizing that it's my sin nature to be perpetually unsatisfied. I'm continuing to struggle to live in that secret of contentment! And that secret is thanksgiving and communion with Christ. I'm determined to daily live that secret out better, or die trying.

• Reality Check: Balance! In that same vein, I've learned about balance. And honestly, realizing and understanding how balanced life is helps unwrap contentment. Because when you look at things with a balanced perspective, you realize that every culture, place, thing, person, choice, situation...has pros and cons, and those pros and cons are often going to balance each other. You have to see both to have a healthy, content mindset. And besides that, wherever God has me, He obviously put me there for a good reason. That means, rather than lusting after things that aren't included in His assignments and gifts, I need to pursue and fully engage in the beauty of what He has given, because I know two things for sure: that there is beauty to be found in them, and nothing is permanent.

• Reality Check: Simplicity! Living from a suitcase with a small circle of people and minimal events is a funny and humbling thing. I've realized how much "extra" I've had in my life that I didn't really need, and maybe actually even want when it comes down to it! And even if I thought I wanted it, I wouldn't actually at the expense of others or when resources could be better spent. I've come aware of my "extra" in everything in my life - from material things, to relationships, and activities. I'm beginning to realize that I have had a lot of extra stuff in my life, and I don't even think any of the "extra" was bad. But they may not have been essential, and I still found myself holding on to those things. But I'm learning about priorities, and what in life is really worth my resources and investments. I'm learning that you never really loose anything that is essential. If it's essential, it will either stay around regardless of what life brings, eventually come back, or the void will be otherwise filled and eased by The Lord. Some voids are so deep that only God can fill it, but He is there to always meet my every need.

• Reality Check: Comfort! I have seen over this year just how addicted to comfort, ease and instant gratification we as Americans are. But what I'm learning is that good things take time, and there is quality to be found in patience. I've found that doing things a way that might not be as convenient will pay off in a lot of other ways! There is much more room for growth, ministry, and transformation when you allow yourself to get outside of your comfort zone. When you're in unknown places, doing uncomfortable things, that's where God lays His presence on thick, and nothing can compete with or replace that! 

• Reality Check: TRUST! Easy in theory, painstakingly difficult in practice! But so worth it! I'm learning to let go, and it's a struggle and thrilling adventure every day! I'm learning that trust really is my only option, because any control I thought I had was just a happy lie I feel for. Harsh reality. Being in a place where everything involving my long term life is a complete guess helps me stay real and humble. Doesn't Proverbs have something to say about man making their plans but God determining the footsteps? Because the reality is that life is full of unpredictability and is truly completely out of my control. The only thing I know for sure about life is that it's full of constant change, growth, and uncertainty. That's all I'm guaranteed in life, although I feel entitled to much more security and foreknowledge, the reality is that I'm not! I'm coming to embrace this as an adventure rather than get frustrated and antsy over this one certainty in life. So why insist that I have to continue to pretend to be in control when I can take peace in the reality that I know Who is in control? Why live in a lie when I can celebrate the truth? I'm finding how ridiculous my past answers to those questions have been!

• Reality Check: Self! I've also learned so much about who I am and my limitations. God has brought me to a much more humble, honest place. I am becoming more aware every day how much I truly am reliant on His grace.  This time last year I thought I had things pretty put together. I know now that that was a huge lie. I used to think I'm a pretty patient, giving and loving person. Reality: I never have been any of those things, and any times I was able to express anything remotely close to good was from God! God's humbled me and showed me how wrong I was. I fail time and time again every day, and am learning how to accept and live in His grace. I am a work in progress. Like I heard Mark Driscoll once say, "If anything good happens because of what I do or say, that's from God. And all the bad stuff? That's all my fault." As frustrating as it is, it's completely beautiful too, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I'm learning to let my "type B" side kick in and care more about the process than the end. Because I already know that end, and He's promised it will be a good, complete work.  Until That Day, I'm baking on and thankful for the fact that God loves me dispite what fool I seem to make of myself on a disturbingly regular basis. 

For sure, if  I could peg a theme to this year, it's Reality Check! It's been a great thing for me. It's caused me to be more soft in God's hands. It's been humbling. It's been rewarding. It's been thrilling, frustrating, and exceeded all my expectations. It's been invaluably refining, full of growth and I wouldn't change a thing. It's just like Jesus...always doing me one better than I ever anticipated.