10 Lies We Believe About Singleness

I recently read a couple of blogs (you can read them yourself here and here) that were basically bringing up similar points of concern though from different perspectives and angles. I found myself mulling them over since I read them and I found that I agree with them.

So here goes nothing. *Hops on Soapbox*


Top 10 Lies About Singleness and Marriage. 

1. Christ isn't enough. This is the messiest, nastiest and most embarrassing lie I have caught myself believing, and the one I hate the worst. But not as much as I hate myself for believing it. Christ is always enough. He is everything. He is the only one who knows how to perfectly and fully love a soul. Only in Christ will we find ourselves unfailingly, uncondintionally, unreservedly loved. There is no other lover next to Christ. All the other, even the most amazing, loves out there pale in comparison. Marriage to an amazing spouse is not the answer. It is a representation and reflection of the answer - a marriage and Divine Romance with Christ. 
2. There must be something wrong with you. Second most embarrassing lie. Lies, comparing, lies, self-pity, lies, narcissism, and more lies. Did it ever occur to you that it's not all about you? Maybe you're actually just fine? Maybe you just care too much of what other people think and you're too hard on yourself? Maybe God has His own reasons for keeping you single? Or maybe your spouse hasn't become the person that you're supposed to marry yet? Or maybe YOU aren't the person your spouse is supposed to marry yet? Or maybe God just wants to pursue and romance you if you'd only freaking sit down, shut up and listen and let Him once in a while?!? (Okay. Sorry. That frustration was directed fully towards myself. But I know I can't be the only one who's felt that way.) But you guys, let's be serious. The idea that singleness is like some sort of highly contagious disease to be cured and avoided at all cost is so completely stupid that even I am at a loss for words to fully capture that astronomically high level of stupidity. And so is the sense of shame, missing out and not measuring up that so many singles seem to carry with them. Junior high called. It wants it's maturity level and stupid games back. You don't need another person to validate you. Not when the Only One Who Matters already has. You are desired, you are valued, validated and wanted. There's nothing wrong with you just because the dozens and dozens of things that need to go right in two peoples lives in order to have a relationship haven't happened for you and another person yet.
3. Your life will be perfect when you finally meet your spouse. Holy idolatry, Batman! Let's hear it for the one that ties for the second most embarrassing lie I've believed about wedded life. Reality check: your spouse is NOT the Messiah, nor will they (or anyone else) have a Messiah complex. Last I checked, that would be Jesus. (Who by the way, never married.)
4.  Marriage and parenting is the climax of adulthood. I hate to break it to ya, peaches, but this is real life, and you're now a real adult. You are not Rapunzel locked up in your tower, waiting for life to finally begin. Marriage and parenting are only two of the many facets to "adulthood" so why do we henge so many of our choices as individuals on them?
5. Single years are a "wasteland". Let me get this straight. You have the amazing opportunity to live life without one of the biggest responsibilities that you could possibly take on in your life, and you're just biding your time out of that season? You could be using this time to grow, learn, and really get to know and develop yourself. There are bucket lists to check off! And new lists to make after that! There's a whole world to see! There are careers to pursue! There are classes to take and degrees to earn! There are babies to kiss! There are foods to eat! There are ministries and people to invest in and partner with! There are new things and hobbies to try! There are good habits to build and bad ones to break! There is character building to happen! There are books to read! And most importantly you have a Rabbi who wants you to follow and adventure with Him! There a 1,009 different ways you can be learning about God, yourself, and the world and what you and God can do together to mess this world up, and you're gonna just sit there and twiddle your thumbs? Seriously? Because OHMYGAAAH, Rapunzel, leave your tower! (And again the frustration is channeled to myself.)
6. Marriage is basically for everyone. Really? Let's talk to the Apostle Paul and Jesus about that one, shall we? Two men who were so devoted to God's call on their lives they never pursued marriage. I believe that there are many marriages out there that glorify God, but I'd be bold enough submit to you that there are probably many marriages out there that are actually a distraction from people's walk with God. Marriage shouldn't be because of any expectations or for social norms you or others place on yourself. And it definitely shouldn't be because the alternative seems less comfortable, because God doesn't call us to comfort. Seriously. Prayerfully consider it. Does God really want to share you with a spouse? Do you really, deep down in your pit believe that He wants you to be married, and that would be the most effective way to bring Him the most glory? What would you say if He never planned for you to get married? Because if I'm totally honest about that, I still don't know my answers to any of those questions. But I do know I'm over assuming what His best for me is, and that He is going to have some major convincing to do with me if I am to get married.  
7. As a single person, you have less to offer in ministry than your married peers. Did I mention Jesus was never married? If this were true, than that would mean that Christ Himself was severely lacking in His ministry and life, and His ministry was found profoundly wanting. If being married was that crucial of a part of life and ministry don't you think He would have been married? Yes marriage is a beautiful, sanctifying, amazing experience. But it's not the end-all-be-all. You as an individual have so much to offer and minister to others with!
8. Being married is easier. Don't even get me started. As with so many things in life, there is total balance! They're both equally hard, frustrating, fun, adventurous, rewarding, freeing, overwhelming and painful in their own ways. Let God choose your hard and joyful work for you. He will empower you.
9. It's better to settle and marry than stay single and hold out for God's best.  Better? No. Easier? In a few ways, yes. By God's grace, I can't speak on this with personal experience, but I know it's a lie. You're vowing the rest of your life to this person. Settling is probably one of the most toxic things you could do. This is a dangerous path, and this is the place where those marriages that are a distraction from The Lord begin.  
10. You want to be married, so that must mean God's given you that desire and you will get married. I may be about to make a few people mad but I don't really care. I'm still going to argue this is not exactly true. Here's why: I can testify that God sometimes gives us desires in our hearts that He intends and plans to fulfill Himself through less obvious ways. And as always He is enough to fulfill them! C.S. Lewis (I love him!) once said "If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” Because really in it's deepest sense, isn't our desire for marriage but a reflection of our craving for the Great Wedding Day? He's set eternity in our hearts!

I'm hopeful! Take heart, my fellow singles! Wait well, with confident expectation that God has amazing things in store for your life, and He will bring people and relationships into your life to make you a truer reflection of Christ! When marriage looks like God intended it, it brings Him full glory, and constantly convicts you. We all need to know ourselves and Christ before we can even think about taking on the challenge of getting to know somebody else. Be proud of where God has called you for now and practice the struggle of contentment. I know I'm still a work in progress too! And guess what?! That's not gonna change even if I eventually do get married!! 

*Hops off Soapbox*