Rest

Thanksgiving afternoon, 2015. I arrived for the family dinner, plugged in the crockpots of my edible contributions, and was greeted by familiar, beautiful faces. As I settled in, I saw one unaccounted for. “Where’s Rory?” I asked. “Oh, she’s taking a nap,” Jordyn, my sister-in-law, replied. My niece Rory is 4 now, so she’s getting past the nap stage, but every once in a while, she’ll cave to nap time. “Oh, okay. She must be pretty spent then, huh?” I asked. Jo explained she was actually so tired she volunteered for this nap. We both kinda laughed about that. “You know she’s tired when she asks to take a nap!” I guess that’s how you can tell when a kiddo is growing up, to an extent. I remember as a kid HATING rest and sleep, because I felt like I was wasting time. There were games to play, bikes to ride, pets to terrorize and 2 big brothers and imaginary friends to keep up with. I remember multiple times, insisting through sobs- I WAS NOT TIRED. For some reason, I randomly remembered the cute story of Rory putting herself in nap time, and I kinda heard God saying “Good idea, huh?” I’m reminded that knowing when you need rest isn’t a weakness, if anything it’s a mark of maturity, honestly. Realizing your limits, knowing you can’t do it all. Seeing what’s coming ahead, and preparing for it. Understanding you’re only human, and you can’t give what you don’t have.

The word for 2016 is...REST.

I’ve recently really had to step back and take a look at things in terms of my schedule, my commitments and figure out where to calculate in true rest. None of the things on the agenda are bad things, and (right now, at least) I don’t even really feel called away from any of my commitments or involvements. But I’ve lost a piece of myself along the way, and I’m just now starting to find it. What I’m realizing is that it’s not even so much my physical pace – my commitments or my schedule that needs to change. I mean sure, I do need to create some margin in my schedule, and even more, focus on using that margin better. But It’s even more so the state of my heart and mind. It’s mostly about how my heart is holding on to so much responsibility, unrealized hopes, constantly preoccupied, and anxious. It’s about my heart and mind more than my actual person. I think of Martha and Mary. And honestly, I really think they could have been doing the opposite things, and been in the exact same place in their hearts. Martha could have been taking the time to “listen at Jesus feet” meanwhile, she’s stressed, grouched out, anxious and fidgety cause she knew what she’s leaving undone. Just like Mary could have kept her heart of rest, worship and been attentive to Jesus calling while she was running around like a crazy lady. I’m not saying any of this discounting the importance of intentional rest, but I want to highlight the value of bringing a restful heart with you in your day. I’m realizing both lead to the most optimal human experience. 

I’m realizing that my lack of rest in my heart has been the root of my anxiety. It goes like this: Disrest is the mother of Anxiety, Fear, Co-Dependence, Insecurity, and Discontentment.  All of those things keep me from really being still, from truly seeing God for who He is. And when that happens- it all goes to crap. My heart, mind and body can’t rest when I’m thinking about how my life will be better when _______, I’m worried about ___________, I feel like I’m not measuring up to ___________, or I’m obligated to _________. It’s not rest. It can’t happen. I’m learning to bring Jesus into the fearful moments, because He’s there too, and I can spin the “truth” of this world on its head and come back at it with the Truth of The Gospel. I can combat discontentment when I am simply thankful for what I have and see it as enough. I can see my imperfections and weaknesses as His strength to boast in, rather than my shortcomings. I can give the problems and trials of others to God by praying for them instead of pretending to be God and fix them myself when my heart is resting in Him.

The invitation of Jesus is Healing and Rest. Come to Him all who are weak and weary and heavy laden. Christmas means healing, hope and rest. I’m determined to enter into that rest. Because, I’m only human. And sometimes, it’s just nap time, and your 4 year old niece might just have a thing or two to teach you about self-awareness.