If there ever was a topic that would make me feel convicted, I think it would be love. Because there's so much to feel convicted about, honestly. I fail time and time again to love -truly love- those around me without even realizing it. I fail to show love to myself even more. But what hurts the most is when I fail to love God the best I can.
I guess that's why love is so complicated and convicting to me. Because love encompasses how I treat myself, others and The Lord. At any given time, I'm probably failing miserably at at least 2 out of the three, even if I'm feeling somewhat successful in one. Why? Because while one should lead to the other, they don't always. It would seem that if I'm busy loving other people, that must mean I've been busy loving The Lord right? Not always. Sometimes, I'm busy loving others and honestly trying to love God, but I'm actually more like Martha in the kitchen rather than Mary at His feet. When I'm in a good enough frame of mind that I can give myself grace for my flaws and not be too hard on myself, it can be easy for me to head down a slippery slope that takes me to a place of minimizing my sin. And minimizing my sin isn't the way to love God the best.
But here's a couple of truths I'm finally wakening to: 1) I'm not big enough to truly love God on my own. That's right. Even though He has been nothing but wonderful to me, I'm still selfish and have a sin nature and in my own power cannot love Him. I need His help to help me love Him. And if I need help to love a perfect God well, than what does that say about my need for help to love fault-filled people? 2) When I'm loving God the best, that's my sweet spot and I'm much more consistent in loving people. And it only seems right and makes sense doesn't it? I may be slow. But eventually, I will catch on. ;)
But here's a couple of truths I'm finally wakening to: 1) I'm not big enough to truly love God on my own. That's right. Even though He has been nothing but wonderful to me, I'm still selfish and have a sin nature and in my own power cannot love Him. I need His help to help me love Him. And if I need help to love a perfect God well, than what does that say about my need for help to love fault-filled people? 2) When I'm loving God the best, that's my sweet spot and I'm much more consistent in loving people. And it only seems right and makes sense doesn't it? I may be slow. But eventually, I will catch on. ;)
I guess that's what I'm trying to find. The sweet spot of asking God for help to love everyone well and allowing God to love others through me. But I can only stay in that spot if I'm being filled up. You can't give out what you don't have, and there is no other place besides the feet of Jesus to find what people really need. And what people need (whether they realize it or not) is God's love. We were meant to live in the overflow of God's love. The Overflow is never ending, and there's enough for all. But we can only carry so much at a time, so we must give it away. But when we give it away, we can always come back for more. That's the cool thing about God - His love knows no bounds, depths and not even Hell can stop it.
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