*flash back: origionally written on may 19 2009*
right now, i'm learning and growing so much. Gods really at work in my life a lot lately. it's crazy, beautiful, painful, sweet, amazing, exciting, scary and awesome all at the same time. i'm not the same person i was this time last year. He has been challenging me, growing me, and stretching me in my faith like never before. and i'm here to say, by Gods thick, and rich grace, i've never been healthier, more mature, or stronger...emotionally and spiritually. i'm probably one of the healthiest people i know. :)
one HUGE lesson that God has been teaching me recently, is how important it is for us to be genuine. and it's becoming a huge passion of mine. and i seriously just feel like running though the streets shouting "EVERYONE JUST GET REAL AND TEAR THE MASKS OFF!!" because i'm so sick of it the fake, plasticy dance, and i'm even SICKER of satan using that dance to his advantage. God's showing me that we're all the same at the foot of the cross. we all fell the exact same distance right along with adam and eve when the fruit was picked and eaten, and we all were just as damaged. it's just that some people have internal injuries (ones that aren't obvious) and some people have external injuries (that are obvious). but either way, you have to go to the Great Physician for both, and either way, they still hurt.
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but somehow, besides inflicting pain on us, (although some of it is self inflicted) satan also tries to get us to deal with our injuries from the fall on our own. he tries to get us isolated, he doesn't want us to experience anything of community, of love, acceptance, or genuine, open and honest (even painfully so) relationships with those who are trust worthy.
for some people, they wont deal with their injuries because it's a pride thing, they don't want or think they need anyone else knowing their business, and they are handling things quite well on their own thank you very much. and for others, they are scared of being hurt, they are willing to be open, but they don't want to be hurt by someone in the process, maybe they've dealt with someone else misusing trust and they are so hurt they don't want to try again. and for others, it's the issue of shame. they feel horrified that those thoughts are going through their mind or that they really committed that sin. but no mater what your case, it all comes back to the fact that it's too humiliating to admit all the pain, sin, imperfections and the tole that their injuries from the fall have taken on them.
but the hiding doesn't work, keeping the pain to yourself doesn't help. you can never smile enough to rid the pain. the plastic bubbliness doesn't cover the pain. the yuppie pep talks don't reach to your pain. the strong work ethic isn't enough to work off your pain. you can never give enough to make the pain go away. you can never do enough. because you aren't enough. yet still satan is sitting there, breathing down your back like the sick creeper little slime ball of a task master that he truly is screaming "MORE!!! MORE!! MORE! BUT DON'T YOU DARE TELL ANYONE WHATS GOING ON! THEY DON'T CARE!!!" so you try to give more, but it only gets worse. the shame grows stronger, the pain cuts deeper, the imperfections only sting worse. and it's harder to let go.
then there's JESUS. oh, Sweet Jesus. He's kneeling at the Fathers throne for you. pleading, for you to understand, sobbing and actually aching because you don't. this was not what you were created for, you were created for Greatness, for community, for His Abundant Life, for Eternal Things. never were you intended to live a life of hell on earth in lonliness, and isolation, trying to reach standards way outta your league, keeping a strong game face on at all times.
finally you grow so tired of it all you break and fall before The One with holes in his hands and feet.
you spew out everything that's on your heart, and just let it out. all the pain. all the sin. all the hiding. all the masks. all the imperfections. the scars, the injuries from the fall. you lay it all before Him.
and with His eyes spilling out compassion He says "Child, yes, you are imperfect. you have fallen." and then He cups your face with the pierced hands that saved you and says "but so is everyone else. that's why i came. i came to restore you. i came to heal the wounds that come with your post-fall humanity and restore them as best they can be here on this earth. i don't want you to hide. you don't need to be ashamed, because everyone is the same before my cross. i don't judge you; neither will anyone else who truly understands who I Am."
the weight lifts off your shoulders. the facade is gone. you sigh deeply in relief, maybe you can sleep well tonight.
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i know what God is capable of, He can handle whatever your dealing with. from personal experience from my own life and heart, i KNOW He can heal, redeem, restore and love a heart and soul like no other. just let Him. He can make what you consider to be your ugliest scars to be some of your favorite beauty marks. and THAT'S just how good my Jesus is. ;) true story. :) i won't lie and say that it's easy or fun. but it's healthy, and if you don't deal with things and be real, it only gets worse...for you and others. the pain only gets worse the longer its out of the open. and really there's no reason to keep it hidden. i'm broken, you're broken. we're all broken. but Jesus fixes broken things. it's really that simple. so why avoid reality? especially when it just becomes a WORSE reality when we avoid it? and besides if the God of the universe already knows my heart and life, why shouldn't you? if i'm not faking Him out, why do i feel the need to try to fake it with people? c'mon guys, lets get authentic.
so right now, because i don't want people to have their pain and imperfections get worse, i feel like shouting from the mountains "HE UNDERSTANDS! HE CARES! AND SO DO OTHERS...MYSELF INCLUDED!!!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT!!! DON'T HIDE WHAT ISN'T PERFECT FROM EVERYONE SO YOU CAN GET WELL!!!" but since i can't, i guess this is as close as i can get. :)
here's a couple of songs that i LOVE that helps sum things up. :)
1. Come, ye sinners, poor and needy,
Weak and wounded, sick and sore;
Jesus ready stands to save you,
Full of pity, love and pow’r.
* Refrain:
I will arise and go to Jesus,
He will embrace me in His arms;
In the arms of my dear Savior,
Oh, there are ten thousand charms.
2. Come, ye thirsty, come, and welcome,
God’s free bounty glorify;
True belief and true repentance,
Every grace that brings you nigh.
3. Come, ye weary, heavy-laden,
Lost and ruined by the fall;
If you tarry till you’re better,
You will never come at all.
4. View Him prostrate in the garden;
On the ground your Maker lies;
On the bloody tree behold Him;
Sinner, will this not suffice?
5. Lo! th’ incarnate God ascended,
Pleads the merit of His blood:
Venture on Him, venture wholly,
Let no other trust intrude.
6. Let not conscience make you linger,
Not of fitness fondly dream;
All the fitness He requireth
Is to feel your need of Him.
casting crowns ~ stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they’ll soon discover
That I don’t belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
*Chorus*
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is CONVINCING
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay
Chorus x2
Well if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small
Natalie Grant~Perfect People lyrics
Never let 'em see you when you're breaking
Never let 'em see you when you fall
That's how we live and that's how we try
Tell the world you've got it all together
Never let them see what's underneath
Cover it up with a crooked smile
But it only lasts for a little while
CHORUS:
There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scared
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God
Suddenly it's like a weight is lifted
When you hear the words that you are loved
He knows where you are and where you've been
And you never have to go there again
CHORUS
Who lived and died to give new life
To heal our imperfections
So look up and see out let grace be enough
CHORUS
By a perfect God (5x)
Be changed by a perfect God
Be changed
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