"you never know Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have." - mother theresa
it all started in november when i turned 21. [it figures.] :) for about 3.5 months straight life was pretty much a series of set backs. it was just one thing after another. some of them were gaping wounds that cut to the very core of my heart and who i am. others were gnarly scrapes and bruises that banged me up and stung pretty bad...ok horribly. and others somewhere in between. but they all left scars...and they all hurt. by the end of january, i'd hit absolute rock bottom. and i came to the point when pretty much every aspect of my life was going to take a miracle...or 7. :)
in this three month time period...i'd ran the gamete of emotions. depression, fear, axeity, anger, betrayal, brokenness, isolation, and great sadness. it was a dark, horrible freaky place. and yet somehow in the midst, God gave me (because there's no other way to explain it) hope, peace, joy, abundant life, courage, the ability to love at all cost and to persevere, pray and hope against the odds. i felt kinda skhitzo sometimes. cause i felt all these things at once. :) weird. oh the duality... :) but beneath it all was the FOUNDATION of JOY.
*fast forward to today*
i would never wish any of the stuff that i've dealt with on anyone. but i wouldn't wish it away for me either. it's been too profitable, i've grown way too much from it. i used to be scared to death of what it would look like when (because i eventually knew it would happen) my world fell apart. well now i know what happens, and i've lived to tell about it. :) i reached the point when all i had left to fall back on was God. i didn't have anything else to get comfort, stability security or peace from. i'd come to the end of myself and the end of the "little gods" in my life that i'd totally unwittingly fell prey to.
i'm not gonna lie to you and say that it's been easy and fun. but it doesn't really matter that it wasn't easy. because God cares more about our holiness than our happiness. He cares more about our character than our comfort. He cares more about the eternal than the finite. He does whatever it takes to make us more like Him. so when you ask Him to do whatever it takes to make you more like Him, careful, cause He WILL. :) but it has been worth it. God's done amazing things, absolute miracles in my life. and my relationships with Christ and others have never been stronger. i've never been healthier, more genuine, mature (ok on some levels....) or less judgmental. i'm not the same person. but how could i be the same person after having an encounter and wrestling match with God?
so if you're reading this, and you are in the rock bottom spot, i want you to know HE'S ABLE. all hope is not lost. there was a point (actually several) where i just about lost hope, [yeah i know...YES... this is still lindy, miss eternal optimist speaking ;)] but God gave me reasons to keep holding on to his hope. i don't care what you have going on in your life, God can restore, heal, redeem, reveal plans, and miracle work like no other. i always knew that nothing was impossible with God. in my head i believed it. i knew it to be true. but now i've experienced it, lived it and taken hold of it. God loves to work in the lives of His children. all we have to do is ask, expect great things and accept what He chooses to do.
He can turn your ugliest scars into your favorite beauty marks. promise. really. He can and does. :) it's been a crazy journey this past 8 months. weird, painful, freaky, beautiful, dark, strange, sweet, amazing, rediculous, full of growth. and i wouldn't change a thing. :)
and so i'll leave you with a song or two...as i usually do in my notes. :)
this one i learned in preschool sunday school. :) join in if you know it. :)
my God is so big,
so strong
and so mighty
there's nothing my God cannot do!
FOR YOU!
the mountains are His,
the rivers are His
the stars are His handy work to...
:)
Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
Full of sorrow, trouble and woe
It's then I have to remember
That it's in the valleys I grow.
If I always stayed on the mountain top
And never experienced pain,
I would never appreciate God's love
And would be living in vain.
I have so much to learn
And my growth is very slow,
Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
But it's in the valleys I grow.
I do not always understand
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through.
My little valleys are nothing
When I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death;
His victory was Satan's loss.
Forgive me Lord, for complaining
When I'm feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder
That it's in the valleys I grow.
Continue to strengthen me, Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way.
Thank you for valleys, Lord
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But it's in the valleys I grow!
Third Day - Mountain Of God
From the album Wherever You Are
Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
And I didnt even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
Til You opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I couldnt ever make it
Without You
Even though the journeys long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One whos gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that Ive been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God
As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again
Sometimes I think of where it is Ive come from
And the things Ive left behind
But of all Ive had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With whats in front of me
With whats in front of me
Michael W. Smith - Mighty To Save
From the album A New Hallelujah
Everyone needs compassion
A love thats never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations
Chorus:
Savior, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
Forever, Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All of my fears and failures
And fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Chorus:
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender
Shine Your light and let the whole world sing
Were singing for the glory of the risen King Jesus
Shine Your light and let the whole world sing
Were singing for the glory of the risen King
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